I went all Joker on the agent and conducted my own social experiment. I think he'd be proud. Read on to see the results.
As I said in my previous blog, I didn't know what to expect when I got an email inviting me to audition for him. I didn't seek out representation, so I felt like this was a little like email SPAM, or phishing. However, I felt like even if it was a bust, a joke, it was another story to tell about my adventure out here this summer. And if by some miracle he was legit, then who knows what doors it could potentially open for me. He found my information on one of the websites I talked about earlier where I upload a headshot, an acting reel, my resume...and a space to put if we have an agent, a manager, etc.
The audition was located in Sherman Oaks, and I arrived about fifteen minutes early as was dictated in the email invitation. Let me back track a moment, my first conversation with this individual was on the phone a day earlier. I called him "during" my "Walking with Walt: tour at Disneyland (I was scouting out Disneyland for my VIPs that were coming in a few days), and I did so because he was very specific in his email about what hours to call during. I wanted to follow the directions, and I called him during the window. I was put on hold for two minutes, and then the same male voice came back on, and said, "Your time is tomorrow at 4:30." I said, "Oh, good, that's perfect. It's the only day that I'm available." (I knew the VIPs were coming out in two days, and I wasn't going to be available during their time out here.) His response was "We don't reschedule." I paused for a beat, and said, "Well, as I said, the time is 'perfect' for me. I'll see you tomorrow." So already, I was having some weird feelings about the guy.
So, I arrived fifteen minutes early, and stood in front of the building confused. I was staring at an apartment building. I went to the buzzer to get buzzed in...because that's what buzzers do...they buzz. I looked for suite #202, and there wasn't one. It seemed to skip right over it in the numbers of the other suites/apartments/rooms. So, I knocked on the door as I saw two other people sitting in the lobby. They just shook their heads and didn't move. Strange. Usually one opens the door when it's clear the other person wants to get in. I mouthed that I can't find the button, and they just pointed over to the buzzer again. So, I went back and looked, and the button was there, but it wasn't in the correct order. It was way, way, way at the bottom of the board, and stuck in the bottom right corner. I never looked that far. So, I pushed it. A few seconds later, a six-foot elderly woman comes and holds the door open. No greeting, nothing. I walk in and joke that I couldn't find the button, and the two people that were previously sitting in the lobby politely nod and smile. Still nothing is being said...other than by me. The elderly woman crosses to a table, picks up a clipboard with a couple of papers on it and a pen, and hands it to me. She said, "Fill this out." And then she retreated to a door off the lobby, and she closed it behind her. She had to be about six feet tall. Imagine a combination of Miss Daisy and Anton.
After she left, I looked at the two people who wouldn't open the door for me, and I said hello to them. They instantly both apologized for not opening the door and said that they were told to not answer it for anyone. They were to sit there until they were called into the office. I mentioned I didn't have a very warm phone call from the previous day concerning my scheduled time, and the male responded that he had the same thing happen to him. So, I went about chit-chatting with them as I filled out my contact information, etc. I sat there for about ten minutes before the elderly woman stuck her head out and called for the female to enter the office. Five minutes later, it was the male's turn. Right before he went in, I noticed there was a second sheet of paper, a half-sheet really, attached to the clipboard. It said "Staples.com" on the top and there were three sentences advertising a new email service that reminds subscribers when they should restock on certain office supplies. I had glanced at it and thought it was just an advertisement that they were passing out to anyone that comes in the office. It wasn't until right before the male went in that I saw him reading it and mouthing the sentences. Then it hit me...they said "audition." I'm going to audition, not just have a meeting. So, I instantly looked at the half-sheet and realized it's a script. No one had said anything to me, not even the elderly lady. Miraculously, I had five minutes to get it down. In fact, I had it memorized in three minutes. It wasn't Shakespeare, or Noel Coward...which I recently found to be much more challenging for me to memorize than Shakespeare. Weird.
So, my time came, and I went in. The room was "maybe" 20 feet deep by 15 feet wide...a little more than a square, really. Behind a desk in the center of the room was a 50ish, overweight man with big eyes. The description I told my wife was Stephen Root in O Brother Where Art Thou, you know, the blind radio station operator/owner.
This guy had huge eyes, and he didn't seem to blink. From his demeanor, I figured out instantly that he was the person I spoke to on the phone. He had an aura of importance...or rather, he had the aura of him "thinking" that he was important. Maybe in the commercial world he was a big deal, but I saw a man in a very washed out polo shirt eyeing me from the start. And there was the fact that there was a window unit air conditioner right next to my head, and it kept dripping onto my chair in this room that was about the size of my apartment bedroom in college. I decided to just answer his questions and that was it, no real elaboration...just until I could feel them out a bit...see what tactic I needed to play. A job interview? A party atmosphere? Do I need charm, or humor? Time will tell.
Oh, yes, I said "them." The elderly woman had a chair just to the side of the desk. She wore glasses and I don't know how well they helped her as she seemed to be eye-balling me. Not in the same way as the man, but she'd squint her eyes and stare at me. I don't mind a good staring contest, heck, I have staring contests with my cat back home, and I usually win too. This was weird though, like she was sizing me up, or something. I decided right then that I could probably take her if it came to that. Probably. I hoped it didn't come to that, but looking back, it would've made for a heck of a blog entry.
So, right off the bat, he asked me if I had any questions, and I led out with the statement that "I was surprised to get your email because-". He interrupted very forcibly like he had done this before, and he didn't care that he was interrupting. He said, "Why were you surprised? You submitted under 'non-representation' on the website?" I explained that I'm only beginning to learn how those sites work, and I'm not familiar what the casting directors see on the sites, but I'm sure that it's different than what I see when I log in.
Long story short, he didn't seem to agree with anything that I said, or he wasn't completely listening to what I said early on, because he always had something to pontificate about that contradicted what I said. I'd come back to telling my story about why I'm out here, and why I'm doing things. He seemed offended that I wasn't in Chicago trying to make it, and I had to explain that I wasn't trying to make it during my short time out here, and I love Chicago and what it has to offer. In all honesty, I hope to get some future work in Chicago (commercials, whatever). He couldn't get over why I leapfrogged Chi-town for LA...it comes out later that he's a Chicago native.
At about five minutes into the meeting/audition, he asked me to read the script. Five minutes, seems to be the time given to each actor up to now. So, I figure this is going about like all the others. I stood up and read it, he gave me a note to try it again but slower. I took a breath, and did it a bit slower. I nailed it, in my opinion. He said, "Good, you can sit back down." Weird. I wasn't asked to leave like the others. Huh.
I know I'm new to this whole thing, but I just couldn't get comfortable in that room. I didn't like the dynamics between the three of us, and I just couldn't be me. He started to go on about how successful he is, and how he doesn't poach clients. He "scrapes the bottom of barrel" and makes something of the actors.
The words "bottom of the barrel" were barely out of his mouth, and I smiled to myself. He just insulted me to my face, as well as insulted all of the other actors he sees...and even the ones he represents himself. I thought to myself that he probably does this a lot, he's enjoying himself. And the best part, he thinks that he has power over me. If I were desperate, sure, he'd have the upper hand, but I'm playing with house money. I have nothing to lose. I'm here for the experience, not necessarily a job. He has nothing over me. It might seem a little cavalier, but I didn't like the way that I had been spoken too from the phone call the previous day to my non-welcome in the lobby from the elderly lady through this current conversation. So, I decided to switch things up...I decided to play with them. I flipped the script if you'll pardon the pun, and I took control. It was awesome!
Bob's Dark Knight inspired social experiment commences.
I decided that whatever he said...whatever statement he spoke on with authority...I would contradict him. So, for the next fifteen minutes I kept saying "I disagree" or "I couldn't possibly disagree more" over and over again. The reactions were priceless. The elderly woman stopped squinting at me, and the man's eyes got even bigger when I disagreed the first time. He was visibly stunned. Silence. It was truly golden. I felt like I struck a blow...a little blow, mind you...for all those people that this guys steam rolls on a daily basis. All of those at the bottom of the barrel. For those two people that were petrified sitting in the lobby with me, I know they were intimidated when they went in there. Maybe the industry is like this, and maybe a lot of lower agents feel the same way about actors...they're expendable. I can see how one might interpret actors to be such based solely on the sheer quantity of people trying to make it as an actor and how few jobs there are. I don't think it's right to treat someone that way...and these two needed put in their place...so for the next fifteen minutes, I made it my mission for them not to forget me.
The funniest thing happened (beyond their eyes getting wider)...we chatted for another fifteen minutes longer, and by end of that time, I stopped my little social experiment of contradicting them. They listened to my opinions, stories, theories, etc. and we had a conversation. It was very civilized. I took it as a good sign that I spent almost half an hour with them after witnessing them spending roughly five minutes with the previous two actors. Maybe I was the last person of the day so they could take their time, or I'd like to think that they were genuinely interested in me.
Ultimately, he decided not to pursue a relationship with me going forward due to my limited amount of time remaining. I can smell BS a mile away, and that's one of the reasons I think I'm a slightly better than average poker player, and I didn't sense any BS from him. In fact, I think I honestly sensed a little disappointment from him. I could be totally full of it, but his body language was a complete 180 from when I entered the room thirty minutes prior. He gave me his card and said when I come back to LA on a more permanent basis to give him a call. I thanked them for their time and left. Within the hour, I had shot off an email to him thanking him for his time though the result wasn't what he was hoping for.
Looking back, it was a story. That's all. A story that showcased what actors have to put up with on auditions and from industry insiders. I'm sure not all have the same experiences, while others have exactly that experience to the letter. I got to experience it, and I'm glad I did. It's the whole point for me being out here.
I'm also glad that I had a little fun at their expense. You know what I mean? Everyone meets a person or two from time to time that just needs to be put in their place...not because I think I'm better than them, or anything...just because the world needs to be balanced again. And I'm just that person to rebalance it at that particular moment...and I took just a little joy in it. What's wrong with that?
Audition #2
The day before the VIPs' arrival, I received an email that invited me to audition in person for a national commercial. I blogged about this audition earlier, The General Insurance (a national commercial). I recorded an audition of myself and emailed it to them. That was the second stage in the process, and now an in-person audition would be the third stage. They wanted to meet around dinner time on Day #1 of the VIPs visit. I confirmed with them that it would be ok, but I wasn't sure I was going to keep it. I had things planned for the VIPs, and auditioning wasn't one of them. I didn't want them to be sitting around waiting on me for who knows how long.
I told the VIPs about it, and they were more than supportive. We were in the neighborhood (roughly 10 miles away), and I thought let's go see if I can get in early, and then we can continue to Anaheim (45 minutes away). If I can't get in early, I just won't do it. I toyed with the idea of dropping them off in Anaheim and then coming back for it, but I figured it wasn't that important to me. Spending time with the VIPs was the most important. So, I drove up to Sherman Oaks (yes, the same place as the previous audition...different building though), and I walked into the studio office. The VIPs sat in the car and read and played on their Nintendo DSs while I was inside.
When I walked in, it was pandemonium. There were four studios located in this one open room, and each studio was conducting auditions. There had to be 50 people milling around, and it was noisy. I eventually found where I was supposed to sign in, and I told the lady of my situation. She said they'd try and get to me sooner than my call time. I sat for about thirty minutes before my name was called.
I went to a back room, and I was escorted in front of a green screen. I pulled a chair up, and I had to "react" to an imaginary waitress (the sightline was just over the camera straight in front of me). I was to react to seeing a waitress wearing an army helmet. I gave them 3-4 takes, and we joked that I could've gone on a bit longer. We laughed for a bit, and that was it. Back to the VIPs for me. I think I was memorable, and I think I did well, but who knows beyond that. They've got a lot more to see. I'm more concerned with my VIPs outside...let's get to Disneyland!
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